A SEXPERT has revealed the common lie told in the bedroom which is “hurting women”.
Nadia Bokody, from Sydney, told New Zealand Herald women are “terrific actors”.
Nadia Bokody has revealed the common lie told in the bedroom which is ‘hurting women’Credit: nadiabokody / Instagram
And she knows this because men always insist no-one’s ever faked an orgasm with them, despite the fact 80 per cent of women admit to doing it.
Pretending you’re enjoying sex more than you are might seem harmless, but Nadia says it’s indicative of something more troubling.
She argues: “The reason we’re so convincing at feigning enjoyment is because we’ve had a lifetime of practice ignoring discomfort.”
Periods, underwire bras and high heels are all part of the way we “teach girls to associate pain with womanhood”, as well as losing your virginity and, of course, childbirth.
Faking an orgasm may seem harmless, but Nadia says it’s part of a bigger narrative which ‘tells girls to associate pain with womanhood’Credit: nadiabokody / Instagram
She says: “I hadn’t realised how much I’d internalised this message until about six months ago, when I underwent surgery to discover the source of a searing sensation in my abdomen that had plagued me for almost two decades.”
The source of the pain was extensive endometriosis, a condition where the tissue which normally lines the uterus starts growing in other parts of the body.
Nadia’s surgeon told her it was “incredible” she’d been able to live with the pain for so long.
But she says: “It wasn’t really incredible, though. Like so many of the women I know, pain had become not so much a thing to ‘get through’, but part of the wallpaper of my existence.”
She adds: “There’s no denying women have been short-changed by a culture that’s not only taught us to put our comfort last, but embedded doing so into the code of womanhood.
“However, at some point, we have to realise for ourselves, this just isn’t working.
“So, here’s a truth bomb that may help break through: sex should feel really, really good… And in spite of all we’ve been taught, this isn’t exclusive to men.”
So how do women stop normalising pain?
The first step, Nadia says, is to prioritise your pleasure – and that means an honest conversation with your partner about the things they’re doing wrong.
Yes their ego will be bruised but, Nadia argues, it will be much more short-lived than a lifetime of bad sex.
Yesterday, a sexpert shared the four mistakes we’re all making in the bedroom and why you need to focus on ‘afterplay’.