Tamara* and her boyfriend have agreed that they’d like to start having threesomes in future (Picture: Myles Goode/ Getty Images)
For this week’s instalment of How I Do It, Tamara*, a 23-year-old postgraduate student and freelance journalist who has been in a relationship for five years, gives us a sneak peek into a week in her sex life.
Tamara says sex with her boyfriend is currently the best they’ve ever had since they are ‘just really in tune with each other’, and she’s very happy that they regularly check in and discuss their feelings about sex, good or bad.
In the years since they got together, she’s moved in with him after suffering ‘horrible anxiety’ over being separated during lockdown, and come out as bisexual.
However, Tamara feels like she has not really been able to explore that side of herself yet since her boyfriend is currently the only sexual partner she’s ever had.
With that in mind, she would like to add ‘a few more elements of polyamory’ to the relationship, and she and her partner have agreed that they’d like to start having threesomes in the future.
Here’s how they both got on in lockdown, in her own words…
My boyfriend and I are both studying, so we spend all day during the week working in our separate little zones in the house. Mondays are always really tiring for me because I find the switch of pace really difficult after the weekend.
I go for a run in the evening and while I’m out he cooks me up a massive bowl of pasta. We’re currently binging The X-Files, so we snuggle up in bed and bash out a few episodes before I fall asleep on him halfway through.
My boyfriend comes in to see me while I’m working on something and I brush him off a bit too brusquely. Living together has meant that we see each other all the time and are just a bit too used to each other’s company.
It doesn’t help that I’m very one-track minded when it comes to working, so when I’m in the zone I don’t take kindly to distractions.
After we’ve had dinner and are settled in bed for the night, he brings up that the earlier incident upset him.
I’m a bit shocked, because I thought after so many years together he’d know what I’m like about work, but it allows us to have a chat about it. He explains that he’s been feeling rejected by me recently, whereas I don’t think I’ve admitted to myself, let alone him, that I’ve been letting work stress get to me a lot more than usual.
We drift off, satisfied that we’ve both made ourselves understood, and spoon each other for a bit before falling asleep.
My best friend got me Ruby Rare’s Sex Ed book, which I finally started reading today, and it’s a revelation.
I’ve learnt so much that explains things I hadn’t even considered or had taken for granted about my own relationship with sex – discovering the dual control model of sexual response has been revelatory for me – and I start reading some aloud to my partner. We both pick out things in it that we want to implement in our own sex life.
After a really long day of work for both of us, we slump in front of a film for a couple of hours after dinner before heading off to bed.
To compromise between our different sex drives, and after Ruby Rare’s book sparked some ideas yesterday, I suggest we shift the focus from penetrative sex, which is always what we end up having.
This time, we’re only allowed to touch each other’s bodies, not necessarily genitals or erogenous zones, but using extended intimate touch to create pleasurable sensations.
After 20 minutes or so of this, and because I’m just really tired anyway, I wind it down, and we go to sleep. It’s definitely the most satisfied I’ve been without any typically sexual touch.
We’re both pretty pumped because it’s a Friday – even though that means nothing in lockdown – so we cook a big dinner with our housemates and get excitably drunk and chatty.
We end up watching MF Doom music videos til 2am and chatting about hip hop, flopping into bed and falling straight asleep.
I find it impossible to sleep late after heavy drinking the night before, and am just an early riser in general, so I make us both cups of tea to have in bed.
We take it really easy today: me and our housemate catch up on the US season of Drag Race; we go for a stomp around our local park; he cooks me a delicious Ottolenghi dinner which makes me feel better about drinking so much the night before.
I wake up an hour before him and watched TikToks on my phone while he sleeps. I wake him up when I get bored of that with some good morning kisses, which soon get steamy.
We’ve both agreed in the past shower sex doesn’t really work for us, but give it another go this morning, making sure to keep super quiet because our housemates are still asleep upstairs.
It makes me feel so much better about the day and relaxes me into the thought of the impending week.
*Names have been changed
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.
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