No matter how self-confident we may present ourselves to the outside world, everyone has chinks in their armor. You know, these little flaws we find when our inner critic takes control to pick our features apart one by one. Unfortunately, our insecurities can get the better of us and sometimes even start to control us.
Women especially feel pressure to achieve perfection we all know doesn’t actually exist. Many have been lured into believing they have to be secure about their looks, personality, intellect, career, and every other aspect of their life. So sometimes, all we need are little reminders to give us a bit of a boost to conquer any self-doubts we may have.
Recently, user naruturtle created a post on the Ask Reddit community and asked men to share the things women and girls shouldn’t be insecure about. The thread received hundreds of comments that remind ladies to stop needlessly obsessing over imperfections and feel confident in their own skin. Below, you’ll find some of the most illuminating answers from the thread, so upvote the ones you agree with and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!
Burping or farting around us. I know too many girls that have said they think it is rude or going to turn us off of them. Personally, I would want you to let go of any gas because I know how uncomfortable that is and I couldn’t imagine if you were holding that in on top of period pain or other things. Please just pass your gas and don’t let it be something you think will turn us off.
I grew up with older sisters. There were so many things they would be insecure about but I always assured them they shouldn’t. Please dont be so stressed about your hair first of all. Your weight, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your clothes, please. The differences are small to notice to most men when you stress about those little things. Please, take it easy
Being bad at sex. If a guy says you’re bad at sex, he’s a piece of s**t. Real good sex comes from an emotional connection. It’s not you, it’s them. They suck.
I asked my husband this question, so here’s his answer:
Weight gain. Not seriously obese or lack of caring for health, but don’t worry about a little extra fluff. So go ahead, eat that pizza slice(s) you’re secretly eyeing!
This one is a big one for me because I gained due to birth control and a couple years of poor eating when we went through money struggles. Now we’re having our second and final child, so I’ve been extra insecure with all these body changes and gaining weight. Of course he’s on board with me wanting to lose weight and get back to where I was, but he always tells me I’m beautiful and he loves every bit of me. He has never made me feel bad for my body
How much sex they’ve had. As long as it’s done responsibility and you’re loyal to your established SO, I couldn’t care less how many came before.
Not a man, but a lesbian, so I think I can provide some input here.
Anything genital related – pubic hair grooming standards, labia size, shape, colour, etc.
Everyone is a little different, and I nor any woman I’ve ever slept with, or any man in any of the guy talk I’ve been privy to as a lesbian (always a little weird to be a part of), has ever cared about any of it. Whatever you were born with is completely natural and beautiful. And if you want to rock a full bush, or go completely bald, or do a landing strip, or whatever your little heart desires, you do you and anyone in a position to see it is just going to be glad they’re in that position.
Constantly apologizing. It’s okay to apologize, we probably understand, and you probably don’t have to apologize, and you’re doing just fine, whatever, and however that is.
This being said… don’t stop, it’s adorable and flattering that you care that much.
I personally want to find the person that told women freckles should be covered up and I don’t want to hurt anyone so I’ll just have a strongly worded conversation with them. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a serious weakness for freckles. From a dusting across the bridge of a woman’s nose to head-to-toe ginger freckles. I think they’re gorgeous.
Cellulite, stretch marks, anything that might be seen as a ‘blemish.’ My girlfriend has all of the above and I never noticed any of it until she said something about them.
Frizzy hair! It’s really fun to look at. Some women seem to try to straighten or curl their hair but I think going with what your hair wants is best. I know there are always those shampoo commercials with impossibly silky hair, and that looks nice, but there are so many different ways to have beautiful hair. I think genuine hair is often beautiful hair!
Having a woman that is confident in making her own decisions is great. You don’t need anyone’s f**king permission to do a damn thing that doesn’t directly involve them. Asking someone’s opinion or input versus their permission are two different things. Girls, ladies, women, anyone hear this: Confidence is far more beautiful than any makeup or clothing. I love the inner beauty that radiates out! I’ve seen dolled-up women that were rotten to the core. Love yourself and love will find you!!!
I like girls who can be real around me. When they feel comfortable and say whatever dumb s**t is on their mind, I feel like I’m actually connecting with someone. Cliche, but I think being yourself and losing the insecurity, in general, is the most attractive thing someone can do.
Honestly, damn near everything. It’s sad seeing beautiful women treat themselves like s**t because their cheekbones aren’t right or their thighs are slightly red or whatever. Ladies: guys DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST about these things. They will love you for who you are. And the guys that do make a big stink about physical ‘abnormalities’ aren’t worth chasing after in the first place.
Being assertive. There’s nothing wrong with a person being assertive, man or woman. There’s no reason to be self-conscious about competence and knowledge. And assertiveness is just the expression of those.”
Their face without makeup. I’ve been told that makeup isn’t about impressing other people and is more of a self-confidence/self-love thing, but the only reason it’s even a thing is because it impresses other people.
The nose. I don’t understand why almost every girl who doesn’t think they have a ‘perfect’ nose, will at some point consider operating for that. We don’t give a s**t about the small hump on your nose or if the tip is pointing slightly up or down.
Acne on the face, back, or wherever. None of us really care. I had bad acne growing up and at some point, I learned that any respectful person will not judge you for it because you can’t really control it.
Lips and eyebrows. We don’t really care. Every guy I’m friends with agrees that lip fillers make a girl instantly less attractive and as long as you’re not completely missing your eyebrows, we don’t even think about them.
A lot of those beauty trends. Thigh gaps, that weird bikini gap thing, stretch marks etc, I genuinely don’t care. Also apparently some are self-conscious about freckles, I think they look stunning.
That little belly bump seriously it don’t make you look fat it makes you look human
I dated a girl once who had a larger than average labia. She hated it, the first 3 months we dated she didn’t want me to even look at her parts bc she was so insecure about it. We’d been playing with each other for ages so obviously I’d felt it and didn’t mind and the first time I saw it I was about the go down on her and she started crying bc she thought I wouldn’t be attracted to her anymore. I never minded though, and we had a conversation about it and how it didn’t matter, I’d noticed it before and it didn’t turn me off at all. I loved her and a little labia wasn’t gonna stop that
Small breasts, contrary to what most would have you girls think, there are plenty of guys out there that love, if not even prefer, smaller breasts over larger breasts.
Some of the smartest women I know will too often concede the room to loud but dumber men.
Being more competent in something than colleagues, friends or SOs. The insecurities of others around you shouldn’t affect your own behavior and make you downplay your own abilities and strengths.
Eye Color!!!!! I know so many girls who are upset they have brown eyes instead of blue or green. Brown eyes are very attractive!
Height and being older than your partner.
If someone’s gonna be with you all these “trivial” things won’t ever matter, believe me…
Maybe that’s just me but I do prefer to not really ask those 2 specific things among others, if they want to share then all good (at least height will be kinda obvious but my point stands lol)
As for being older, that freaking double standard and taboo about the guy having to be older is ridiculous and it kinda hurts the feelings of so many girls it’s sad.
Almost everything you’re insecure about is what other women would judge you for and most men wouldn’t even think about it.
Breast or a** size. Stretch marks. A couple pimples. That hair you have somewhere. Height. Those couple extra pounds. Clothing style.
All the surface level s**t doesn’t matter.
I had a GF who was insecure about the shape of her breasts. To me they were fantastic.
Being afraid to make the first move. I can’t tell you how fantastically guys would respond if women just dropped this “men have to make the first move” mentality. If they just walked over and said “hey you’re cute and I like your personality, wanna go out sometime?” Men would go nuts. A lot of Women, not all, act like this is an insane idea, but tbh it’s very refreshing and a really attractive quality. Fuck the bs of norms.
Worrying about their boyfriend cheating on them out of instinct due to having bad relationships in the past. I’ve dated around a dozen women in my life and prior to meeting my wife (of 4 years now) I literally had to break up with women due to such trust issues being projected at me.
One insecure woman punched me in the face twice because she thought I was cheating on her as she thought I was being overly nice to other women despite me just being nice to everyone equally as that’s my personality.
I pushed her off me after she grabbed me by the neck trying to force me to confess to cheating (she was a strong person) and she calls the cops so I spent three weeks in jail awaiting a court date for domestic violence that was thrown out anyways.
When I met my wife and noticed she wasn’t insecure I married her within 6 months of dating and couldn’t be happier now!
Stubble. I had a girl once being too insecure to have sex because she hadn’t shaved her kitty in a week. It didn’t stop me from closing the deal.
First of all women stop being doormats or second class in relationships. If you want to go to KFC say it. It doesn’t make you look fat. It makes you look hungry.
Also my GOD stop saying you are fat. Unless you are actually morbidly obese 90% of guys are not gonna give one single iota of a F how much you actually weigh.
Being the one to make the first move. Especially in today’s age, it can be very complex for a man to know if it’s even ok to ask anymore…
Approaching/getting rejected by guys. We’d say yes to a tree if one approached us first
Not being in elite athlete shape.
The fixation on abs and no body fat is annoying af.
Would rather chill at the beach with nothing but Mom and Dad bods.
I know the time and commitment it takes to be perfectly fit. For 99% of us that is time taken away from more important matters.
We don’t care what you look like when you eat as long as you follow basic table manners. F**k do I care if you want a big a** bloody hamburger. If you’re hungry eat! I never got that. You go to a restaurant to eat not to nibble on rabbit food.
Things I/most men don’t care about:
Breasts that hang/sag (That’s actually sexy, in my opinion).
It’s perfectly fine if you aren’t shaved down below.
Your round belly is actually cute.
I love the way you look in the morning.
Imperfections make you unique, and aren’t something to be self-conscious about.
In short, if you treat me/most guys with respect; give lots of affection; are dependable; trustworthy; kind; honest; and make us feel good about ourselves, whatever insecurities you have, we likely find endearing/cute/sexy.
Don’t be afraid to look stupid. Or embarrass yourself asking a seemingly dumb question. It’s way cooler if you want to learn something, than say ‘I wouldn’t understand it’.
Not looking/appearing ladylike. Just get in there and destroy that burger. Or make a fool of yourself. Many guys will prefer a girl who’s goofy or brave. (Not that you should validate yourself in guys eyes, it’s just this post asks for men’s opinions.)
Wearing glasses (prescription not sunglasses), I don’t know why many feel embarrassed using them and go all day at school mainly and struggle. 9/10 you look even prettier with them
Height! As a 5’9” guy, I love girl’s my height and even taller, so stand straight for God’s sake!
Their laugh. If you snort like a piggy, go on girl. Most of the time it’s cute.
Their career skills. Women second guess themselves so much more than men do. Seriously, f**k that.
Getting the latest trendy clothes. Have not met a guy who gives a damn if that hat is half a year out of style. Rock whatever look you like, ladies!
Nipples. Me, the male, very excited to play with your boobs in general. Literally do not care what they look like. Boobs are great and wonderful, playing with them also usually leads to sex which is also pretty great. Hurts me when partners dislike their bodies over something you can’t really change.
Previous relationships which have caused physical or psychological damage to you
Everything about your body.
Your not a super model and we aren’t expecting you to be. We aren’t male models either. Real life isn’t p**n.
their smile, body weight, nose , just everything and anything
If they’re a little chubby or have a few imperfections. That s**t’s normal for everybody. Besides, if you were skin and bones backshots would sound like skeletons from minecraft.
Their noses. An old girlfriend of mine had some deep insecurities about her “big” nose. I thought it suited her face perfectly and gave her a really striking profile and i tried to give her compliments whenever i could. She eventually ended up getting a nose job despite my protests. I told her i thought it looked great even though inside i was crushed because i felt like i had failed in my job as a boyfriend in making her feel sexy and confident.
If a guy is actively interacting with you and you start to mention how you’re insecure about your looks, don’t be.
Guys are wired for looks, for better or worse, so if they’re interested in you and hanging around you (and you’re ok with that) they more than likely adore your looks, and wouldn’t change them for the world.
See so many girls out there doubting their beauty, and it breaks my heart.
Stretch marks/mom bod. You created a human/humans. The “perfect” body isn’t flawless or without blemish. Sexiness is more in how you present yourself vs physical appearance 99% of the time.
I’m not a guy but Their eyebrows. Literally they are never ugly and it’s honestly more disturbing to see ultra thin ones.
Also armpits?? Ok all the shampoo commercials lead you to believe that shaved armpits are sexy but like… If you want to keep the hair, do it it’s your body.
Being seen naked, we can already tell what you look like and we’re into it if it’s at that point.
Basically anything that is out of their control. You shouldn’t be insecure about body parts that we can’t change, or disfigurements or medical conditions. Imperfections are perfect in my eyes.
I think insecurities should only exist in situations where you know you can make that change for the better but you don’t take that step, being insecure about something like that should encourage self improvement.
Thigh size. Everyone’s is going to be different. If you try to take care of yourself and be healthy, that’s all that matters.
Your faces. The only people that don’t like your faces are you and the cosmetics industry. I would take a natural 5/10 face over a 10/10 makeup face any day. Please try to have the confidence to be natural… anything else is a lie.
Being a little cubby , not every guy wants to have a girl who looks like she hasn’t ate in four months.
-How they look without any makeup. I feel like most guys prefer Women with little to no makeup. I know I do.
-Also height, all the women I’ve dated were about a foot shorter then I am.
-Your hair, honestly you look great and most guys won’t notice or care if your hair “looks bad”
Asking a guy out. If you like a guy, don’t be afraid to ask him out on a date. Guys only making the first move is an outdated and sexist concept.
Everything except bad personal hygiene
Of course you can find someone who doesn’t care about hygiene but most won’t play ball, wash your body especially your privates, only the inside is self cleaning
Brand names. Most single guys have no idea the difference between a handbag from Michael Kohrs vs Louis Vuitton.
Body hair, makeup, nails, hairstyle, etc.
Those stereotypes in sitcoms when the wife gets angry at oblivious husbands that don’t notice the new haircut; those exist because most of us really don’t notice.
Not going to lie and say looks don’t matter, but personality, intelligence and empathy are a big part of my attraction to someone.
If you’re looking for something to be insecure about, male or female, evaluate how you feel about yourself as a well rounded person.
Muscle. There’s no shame in being or wanting to be muscular. Getting in shape is attractive and anyone who tells you otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about or care about other people’s appearances too much.