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A MUM has revealed that she never shouts at her kids and is quite happy to let her little ones argue.
Sarah-Jayne Strum, known as SJ to her 117k YouTube subscribers, subscribes to the gentle parenting movement, made popular by the author Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
SJ Strum subscribes to a gentle form of parentingCredit: YouTube/ SJ Strum
Also known as positive discipline, SJ says that the parenting style comes quite naturally to her.
Speaking on her YouTube channel, she says: “I really don’t like to use punishments or rewards.
“Gentle parenting is about not using punishment or reward to solicit cooperation and these parenting techniques mean that your children will just want to cooperate naturally and want to behave well.”
Here we reveal SJ’s six steps to gentle parenting and how she applies them to her own family…
Respect your children
As adults we think we have certain rights and that we deserve a certain level of respect but we don’t always bestow that same respect on our children.
For me respecting your children comes down to how you talk to each other and has meant that my family has leant on discipline far less.
I tell my children that kindness starts at home and we can’t give away all of our niceness to colleagues and classmates.
I think of ourselves as a family rather than me as the mum as that gets me out of the manager mode and I allow the kids to step in and make their own rules too, it’s their home as much as it is mine after all.
Empathise with their feelings
Bad behaviour and lack of cooperation can come from emotions such as anger, sadness or frustration so it is important to understand your children.
You shouldn’t punish them for having feelings.
I always have the motto of ‘try a little tenderness’ and saying something kind can make all the difference in a confrontation.
Let them make mistakes and have opinions
Often I just let the kids argue something out and not jump in.
It’s really hard but that allows them to learn to negotiate and learn when to back down or push forward.
Your kids should be learning to make their own decisions which is such an important life skill.
Reset your expectations of ‘normal’
Relaxing your expectations of kids’ milestones means that while you’re following where they should be, you don’t need to obsess about it – not every child will meet these at the same time.
It’s a bit like baby-led weaning but instead it’s baby-led childhood.
Take time to nurture yourself
The reason why sometimes our children don’t get the best of us is because they have so many worries of their own.
I notice that I’m a better parent if I’ve slept well and had a break from the children or done something for myself.
Give them your attention
Children today are very stuff rich and time poor – so often we find ourselves saying ‘in a minute’ or ‘not now’ to our kids because we live in such a busy world.
But it’s important to give your kids that focused attention because it really gives them that connection so I try never to tell my children that I don’t have time.
SJ says that she steps back when her kids are mid argumentCredit: sj_strum/Instagram
In other parenting news, we shared ‘we’re ‘tiger’ parents & our kids busk in the street to earn money – people call us harsh but it teaches them hard work.’
And this mum says, ‘I’m a gentle parent and let my kids have all the control, people say it breeds little monsters but I know I’m right.
Plus Meghan Markle’s a ‘Lawnmower Mum’ while Kate Middleton’s a ‘Lighthouse’ – what the royal parenting styles say about them.