We live in a civilized society—or so we are told, as we have laws and rules that govern our everyday life. These guidelines help us navigate the intricacies of work and personal dealings; however, they are also very restrictive. And that’s where the creativity comes in, with a bit of an unethical twist.
A Reddit community aptly titled Unethical Life Pro Tips was set up so people can freely ask and give advice on topics that vary in their… morality. Nothing too illegal, that’s for sure, but sometimes we just want to have a shortcut to the good stuff, and this Reddit community understands it perfectly.
With more than 1.2m members, those looking for an easy (if not very ethical) solution to their problems will likely find it here. There’s a wide range of topics covering various aspects of life, and some of the more prominent subject matter relates to parenthood.
Raising kids is hard and it’s understandable that parents would like to make their lives a bit easier, even if at the expense of others. Here are some of the more popular pieces of advice that the parents of this Reddit community gave freely (whether you use them or not is between you and Reddit).
Tell your kid that they snore in their sleep really often, that way you’ll know if they’re pretending to sleep because they’ll fake snore
Tell your kid that if he or she doesn’t brush their teeth well enough, they’ll all fall out. When they start to lose their baby teeth, tell them they didn’t do a good enough job. This way, they’ll brush their adult teeth really well.
Use the Mother’s room at work for naps after you stop pumping
I work corporate security at a large office building. I noticed that one of our associates no longer brought in a breast pump when I was checking her bags, but she continued to use the mother’s room. Instead of turning it in I sat down with her in the lunchroom and told her “It’s none of my business what you do in the mother’s room, but if you continue to go into the mother’s room without a pump because we’re going to think you’re going in there to take a nap.” She looked like she was getting ready to argue with me then just nodded and said thanks. She stopped using the mother’s room for naps. if she had just started bringing in her pump she could have kept on using that room as a free 20 minute nap everyday until that kid went to college and HR wouldn’t have the guts to say anything.
Play a game with your kids “Cop Cars” while traveling. Whoever spots the most cop cars from the start to end of the trip wins!
Great way to keep the kids occupied while also having an extra couple set of eyes looking out for cop cars you might not have noticed.
If you are a parent, use your child’s library card when checking books out of the library. Not only can you check out any book (adult or children’s), but there is no fee if you return them late.
Wanna find out if your kids are doing drugs? Tell them you’re going on a weekend away and come back that evening.
Teach your kids that the ice cream truck only plays music when it is out of ice cream. It will make your life SO much easier. Trust me.
When picking pumpkins this year, secretly buy them beforehand at Aldi’s where it’s significant cheaper and put them in the trunk. Then, take the kids to the pumpkin patch and have them pick out their pumpkin and tell them the workers will put them in the trunk for them.
Ensure your kids won’t bother you by telling them to wake you up in an hour so we can start cleaning the house – they will do anything to avoid waking you
Is your child waiting on a package? When you receive it, hide it before they see it. Every day they will offer to get the mail for you until it “arrives”.
Kid doesn’t want to eat something? Send them to a friends house to hangout, and give/tell the parents to cook the food your kid doesn’t like!
He will be forced to eat it, or be super embarrassing to a friend’s family.
Tell your kids that every time they lie or break a promise, they permanently lose a strand of hair on their head, and that if they lie too much, they will go bald at a very young age. Works like a charm!
Note: Avoid if you are bald, and also make them promise to keep it a secret at least till they turn 15 or something. Believe me, you don’t want them going to a relative and be like “I see that you lie a lot” “No I don’t, who told you that?” “LIAR LIAR!!! My mum told me!”
You can also add that they earn a strand everytime they help you, do a good deed or something…
Give your kids a bag of coal each for Christmas this year. When they cry just tell them Santa is wrong and you’ll get it sorted. Once the shops open buy what they asked for. They will think you are a legend and Santa is a dick. You will also get the presents for half price.
when buying a cat for your young kids buy one that is all black or white that way when it dies you can replace it easily with out your kids even knowing.
Next year get blackout drunk before you hide the kids Easter eggs. Finding them the next day will be fun for you too since you won’t remember where they are.
Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments underneath.
How do I make a 5-6 year old kid go away while I use my PC?
There’s some work being done inside my house and the son of the worker is really curious and wild-sort. He keeps roaming around me when I sit to use my desktop PC and talks endlessly. I am barely able to keep him from pressing every key without being abusive. Every time he comes near the PC, I alt+tab to a random thread and tell him that I am working. However, he still keeps talking kid-trash and wants to direct his boredom towards the PC.
I sit in a separate room. Can’t close the door as I have to keep an eye on/talk with the worker. I want to be able to make the kid not want to come near the PC, in an intelligent way. For example, I was thinking of turning on some religious vid next time he comes, but I am not sure that’ll work.
Important background: I live in a poor neighborhood, the kind where ppl use phones with buttons. I am on friendly terms with the worker, and the kid’s from a family who doesn’t even have internet. He has no idea that computers have music, games, movies, etc. When I am moving around the house I can manage the kid fine – restrict him from touching everything, engage in nonsense chat with him a bit, and tell him to play on the swing outside.
Edit: So, pretending that I am on a call for work seemed to do the trick for now. I didn’t need to tell the father that I am working (which he could’ve guessed was a lie). Seeming to be on a call indirectly confirmed to him that I’m busy and gave him a reason to stop his kid from entering the room (otherwise it would’ve been really uncomfortable for him to do so, since the culture here promotes a very sociable/caring attitude)
Of course, I get that this sort of treatment is not healthy for the child, but this sub is for UNETHICAL discussions after all…
Have some rowdy children who want to play? Tell them that you’re all going to play hide and seek and that you’ll be “it”. Once you finish your countdown don’t go anywhere and just enjoy your peace and quiet.
Going somewhere with your kids that doesn’t allow outside food. Fuck ’em and pack sandwiches and chips anyway. When questioned at the entrance, just say these items (bread, chs, meat, etc.) are approved for your child’s “restricted diet”
Just did this recently with my son twice this week at my local water park. Saved me about 40 dollars in 2 all day trips. Just make the food reasonably healthy of course.
If you have a newborn baby, try to teach it to say the other parent’s name first (e.g. “Dada”, “Mama”) then whenever the child is upset or needs something they will call for your partner not you, saving you a lot of hassle, especially at night.
…as a bonus you’ll probably seem very altruistic for teaching your child your partner’s name instead of your own as many people want their name to be baby’s “first word” and actively try to teach it theirs first.
Before age 5, tell your children about the tooth fairy and how she places curses on bad kids that slowly make their teeth fall out
Before age 5, begin telling your children about the evil tooth fairy and how she looks for kids who lie and act bad when their parents aren’t looking. When she finds one, she places a curse on the kids that slowly causes their teeth to fall out. When it starts to happen, act scared and tell them that if they start acting extra good their teeth will grow back bigger and stronger.
