DEAR DEIDRE: MY stepmum didn’t hang about after my dad died and has already moved on to a new boyfriend.
I think her behaviour is disrespectful — so I don’t feel in the least bit bad that I’m now having sex with him, too.
I’m grieving for my dad but am bedding my stepmum’s fella
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I’m a woman of 29 and Dad was only 61 when he died of cancer two years ago.
In those last few months, my stepmum and I made sure we put everything into creating happy memories with him.
She is 58 and came into my life when I was 14. Although it took me a while to accept her, we learned to get on.
After Dad died we both stayed in the family home and I really appreciated her support as we grieved.
Then, about ten months after he died, she started going out a lot and joined a fitness club.
I noticed she hardly mentioned him any more and seemed impatient when I shared how much I was missing Dad.
Then one night I saw her getting out of a car and giving the male driver a long kiss.
My heart hit the floor and I honestly felt like she was cheating on Dad. Within two months this man started staying over and, although I wanted to hate him, when I met him I understood the attraction.
He is 56, into cycling and very knowledgeable.
One evening my stepmum was late returning from work so me and this man sat chatting.
He asked me lots of questions about Dad and said he sounded like a great guy.
A few weeks later, while my stepmum was working away, he came around to pick up clothes.
We ended up sitting at the kitchen table again, only this time we polished off a couple of bottles of wine.
We then had sex right there before going upstairs to my room and having sex again.
Now, whenever my stepmum is away, he comes around to “pick up some clothes” — which is our code for sex. I only question myself when I think of Dad.
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DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you are uncomfortable thinking about what your dad would say suggests you know your behaviour is out of order.
Your stepmum has a right to move on and doesn’t deserve to be betrayed by you or her new boyfriend.
There is no acceptable time limit on grieving for a loved one.
I’m sending you my Bereavement support pack so you can consider getting help to move on.
Please also consider if your attraction to this man is because he represents a father figure for the man you miss so much.
Put an end to this damaging affair, otherwise someone is going to get seriously hurt.
Tell this man this was a mistake and then focus on dealing with your own grief so you can get out more and meet someone who is available.